The Grey Divorce: The Steps Forward After A Long Marriage

Like most things in life there never seems to be the ‘ideal’ time. We hear this all the time and is this not true? And there lies the reason to never delay the things you want to do in life, ‘life is too short’ there is another quote! Is this patronising or fact? That is for you to decide. However, I would like to think these are useful things to remember. Hence, once a marriage has ended, awareness of all the changes that will happen are better off acknowledged and accepted.

Whatever time in life divorce happens is never a breeze and the rollercoaster of emotions that naturally challenge you are not easy. Having said that if you have recently come out of a long marriage the personal changes can be more complex. This is because over many years of marriage ‘two become one’ intwined with finances, friendships, home and often responsibilities and roles. Once the divorce has been settled all this changes and it is not the easiest of things to adjust to.

The Grey Divorce is a term used for people over 50 who are ending their marriage. Grey referring to hair colour, which is common at this time of life. If this strikes a chord with you let it be known that divorce for the over 50’s is on the increase, so, you are not alone.

Common reasons for divorcing later in life are:

·        Empty Nest Syndrome - Children no longer live at home and are no longer the focus of their parents.

·        Marital Drift – Interests change and become more individual, sex lives can change, drifting apart over a period of time.

·        Infidelity – Affair or cheating is still a big player.

·        Finances – Financial mismanagement, disagreements with how money is controlled and spent. Who earns what can also cause division.

·        Women’s Financial Independence - In the last decade or two, women have become more financially independent which gives them more freedom to get out of an unhappy marriage.

Moving on After a Gray Divorce

Men and women of a grey divorce tend to cope differently. Men frequently experience more isolation and loneliness because their wives are the social planners. Plus, men typically have a smaller support network than women. And there are always the domestic responsibilities that can in some cases be unnatural and challenging.

Women, who have gone through a grey divorce, can experience serious financial and economic loss and challenges. In some cases, careers have been put on hold to raise a family. Often positions that paid less but was more flexible for their family’s schedule have been taken. These examples show that some women come out of a grey divorce less financially secure than their former husbands. Getting back into the workforce after many years or work for the first time is not so easy, especially if over 50. Also independently managing finances for the first time or after many years creates challenge.

Despite all this you will get through the changes and transition.

5 Top Tips

1.     Invest in yourself and get the support of a coach. Talking through your thoughts and plans without judgement works wonders and helps     to build motivation and confidence.

2.     Surround yourself with good friends.

3.     Understand your finances and create a plan to reset your financial life.

4.     Get healthy, eat well and exercise or meditate. MAKE TIME TO RELIEF STRESS!

5.     Remember tiny steps = big leaps in time. Prioritise the most critical changes that must be tackled but do not overwhelm yourself with too    much all at once.